so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
