Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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