Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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