you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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