I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
