I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
