A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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