i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
