An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
