i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
