did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My bed smells like the plague
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
