Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
