instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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