Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
