His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
