sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
