I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
