One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
