I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
