It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
