I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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