i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
