Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize