Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
