I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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