why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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