I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
