I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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