oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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