i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
