good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
