I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
