the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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