You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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