You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
