I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
