How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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