remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
