they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The adults are the big ones right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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