I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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