Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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