why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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