Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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