mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
