I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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