What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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