Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
