i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
