Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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