when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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