Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
