I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
