Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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