At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
