we're blogging at a bar
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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