the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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