so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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