Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
