Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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