Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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