By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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