bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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