I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
