i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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