Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
