i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
