Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
