Welp...herpes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
