he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
