No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I smell stomach acid.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dignity is for republicans.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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