This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
