im drinking this country out of the recession.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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