looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
