sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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