There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
