Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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