Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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