fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
